The joys of the patent business
“User Friendly” is a kick-ass comic strip; everybody please read it and pay them heaps of money so that they won’t sue me for using this image without permission; that would just be too ironic.
Patents. Gotta love’em.
After IBM’s presentation, our turn came. As the Big Blue crew looked on (without a flicker of emotion), my colleagues—all of whom had both engineering and law degrees—took to the whiteboard with markers, methodically illustrating, dissecting, and demolishing IBM’s claims. We used phrases like: “You must be kidding,” and “You ought to be ashamed.” [...] Confidently, we proclaimed our conclusion: Only one of the seven IBM patents would be deemed valid by a court, and no rational court would find that Sun’s technology infringed even that one.
An awkward silence ensued. The blue suits did not even confer among themselves. They just sat there, stonelike. Finally, the chief suit responded. “OK,” he said, “maybe you don’t infringe these seven patents. But we have 10,000 U.S. patents. Do you really want us to go back to Armonk [IBM headquarters in New York] and find seven patents you do infringe? Or do you want to make this easy and just pay us $20 million?”
After a modest bit of negotiation, Sun cut IBM a check, and the blue suits went to the next company on their hit list.
— Gary L. Reback; Patently Absurd, an article for Forbes.com on June 24, 2002
The article points out some interesting things, such as the fact that the US Patents and Trademarks Office “realized that the fees from granting and maintaining patents created that rarest of American institutions—a government profit center.” Yep; you can criticize the USPTO’s behavior all you want, but the government has a vested interest in that behavior, so tough noogie for you.
During the first Clinton Administration, for example, USPTO Director Bruce Lehman attempted to deflect criticism of the USPTO’s practices by traveling around the country with a chart showing precisely how much revenue the USPTO raised for the federal treasury.
This sounds outlandish — a little bit like issuing mugging licenses for a fee, and bragging about the money you’re raising for the federal treasury.